


The Last of the Time Lords

by davejohns



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Psychosis, Sentient TARDIS, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 22:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16841443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/davejohns/pseuds/davejohns
Summary: At the end of the day, The Doctor saves the universe. But who saves the Doctor?





	The Last of the Time Lords

**Author's Note:**

> this is pretty much just copingfic Sorry

The Doctor slumped forwards at the console of the TARDIS. He sobbed quietly, muttering breathlessly as he clutched onto any handle she offered him. The TARDIS tried to comfort him as much as possible, whirring and glowing pleasant shades of turquoise. 

“Why am I here?” The Doctor sighed, letting go of the handles and turning away from the console. He slid down to the floor so that he was sitting and leaning against the TARDIS, more tears falling down his cheeks as he stared helplessly at the walls around him. The TARDIS was currently rotating aimlessly around the solar system. For countless years she had taken him to where he was needed the most and kept him and his companions safe. She hated to see him like this, alone and miserable, questioning his place in the universe. “All I’ve done… is cause pain and interfere. I should’ve just let the universe run its course. I’ve ruined everything.”

The TARDIS shook slightly, deciding she needed to take action and begun gently moving her own handles and pressing her own buttons. The Doctor barely noticed, consumed with grief and clutching tiny polaroids of his loves - long lost and some even long dead. His mind felt sluggish for the first time in a long time, but he still heard their voices. They rung through the chambers of his memories and echoed in his heart. Mostly, they were laughing and chattering, but he would never forget their cries for his help, the way they yelled his name. He had built each and every one of them up to believe that he would  _ always  _ be there to help, and that he would never fail to save the day. 

“Where do I go?” The Doctor shivered a little, carefully turning to look at the doors and blinking. Slowly rising to his feet, he mustered up the energy to walk towards them and glancing back once to TARDIS, pulled at the handles. With more force than usual, they finally released and the Doctor was faced with a shimmering galaxy that was decorated haphazardly with stars. He would never get used to the sight of such wonders, but he felt it hard to appreciate the beauty in his current anguish. “TARDIS… deactivate the forcefield.” The Doctor requested quietly. 

“No.” The Doctor jumped at the sudden and alien voice, turning to face the inside of the machine. 

“What?!”

“I said, no. I won’t deactivate the forcefield.” The voice seemed to come from the TARDIS, a thought that normally would’ve excited the Doctor, but currently only seemed to infuriate him, and he continued to demand that it pay attention to him. Feeling helpless, he stormed back inside and begun angrily jabbing at buttons while his face started getting damp again and the voices in his mind quietened. Now, instead of the somewhat pleasant sounds of his lost companions, all he heard were evil sounds - the noises Daleks and Cybermen made, along with cries from dying species and even individuals he had never met before, crying out for  _ his  _ help.

“What are you doing?!” The Doctor exclaimed, as a handle he attempted to pull was whipped out of his grasp and locked in a position not even the Doctor could sonic out of the way. “Why are you stopping me? I stole you, you aren’t programmed to protect  _ me _ . I just want to--”

“What?” The TARDIS’ gentle but glowing voice echoed through the Doctor’s mind. He froze, and glanced back up at the doors and the glittery galaxy. “It’s okay, Doctor. Your mind is sick, but I will protect you.”

“Who-- who are you?” The Doctor’s voice quietened to barely above a whisper as he stared incredulously at the glowing console. 

“I am a safety protocol of the TARDIS. A sort of first aid for illnesses of the mind.” The TARDIS paused and observed the Doctor’s reaction. “For all intents and purposes, I am just the TARDIS’ inner voice. I am not talking aloud.”

“I know I hallucinate - I hear everyone all the time, but why would I hallucinate  _ saving  _ myself?” The Doctor stumbled backwards onto a jump seat and rubbed his eyebrows in exhaustion. The TARDIS ignored his assumption, and the Doctor reluctantly allowed himself to believe that maybe the TARDIS  _ was  _ just talking to him telepathically.

“You don’t really want to die, Doctor. You just want to be better, and in your eyes the only way to achieve that would be...death.”

“Am I wrong?”

“Yes.” The TARDIS whirred, and she shut her doors. The unmistakable sound of travelling through the time vortex rung through the machine, striking the Doctor as strange, since he had not managed to set the controls for anywhere. 

“Where… where are you taking me?” He sighed, feeling as though all the energy had been sucked out of his body. He didn’t even have the energy to cry anymore. The TARDIS didn’t respond, and the Doctor exhaled shakily for a few seconds, his heart rates slowing down back to normal. Eventually, the familiar landing sound echoed in the vicinity and the TARDIS urged the Doctor to open the doors and look outside.

“I am using a perception filter so that we won’t be noticed, but please look outside.” The Doctor sighed and put all of his energy into standing up again and going back to the doors. This time, he could open them easily and he slowly recognized his surroundings as the city of London. There was a single child dressed in a puffy red coat with bright red hair stood in the center of a large group of people. She was also wearing a pair of blue mittens and holding onto a sheet of paper so tightly it appeared as if her life depended on it. Suddenly, and to the Doctor’s surprise, she began to sing. Her voice was smooth and angelic, each word pronounced perfectly and each note hit precisely. It was beautiful, but it took the Doctor a good ten seconds before he realised where he’d heard the song before. One by one, a member of the crowd surrounding the child joined in with the song, until everyone was performing the meaningful tune. The Doctor stared motionless at the crowd, tears slowly forming in his eyes as he realised it was an ancient Gallifreyan nursery rhyme, one that he would eventually teach to a future friend. The lyrics were even being sung in Gallifreyan, and the Doctor couldn’t understand how these humans even knew what they were singing. 

The lyrics of the lullaby thanked a stranger for saving lives, much like how at the end of human children's movies, the superhero is rewarded and praised. The protagonist of the song is old and lonely as he is the last of his kind. He has spent a lifetime protecting countless species from the horrors of war and evil, but now he wanders around aimlessly and doesn’t recognize the depth of others’ appreciation of him. Therefore, the singer is thanking him for his hard work. It has always been a song for the children of Gallifrey, to comfort them when they are sad.

The TARDIS glowed a little brighter, and slowly took off into the sky. The song never faded as they flew away, and she brought the Doctor to another planet where some of its species were gathered and singing the lullaby to their offspring. As they travelled, they found that some species were outright giving their thanks to the Doctor, some children were drawing pictures of the TARDIS and showing them around to their friends, and the lullaby along with the Doctor’s stories were woven into the fabric of the universe, with the intention of reminding the Doctor how grateful they are for him. The Doctor sat down on the edge of the TARDIS, his legs dangling beneath him as he let the TARDIS guide him around galaxies and solar systems just to listen to his song. His grief continued to weigh heavy in his stomach, but the TARDIS protected every inch of the area surrounding them with special force fields, and as she tried hard to imagine herself hugging the Doctor tightly, he turned around to her with a damp face and broken expression, and smiled.


End file.
